Offended by foul language? Skip this post…
A week or so ago, my darling husband suggested that we try “one of those online meal plans” because his sister, Kristen, raved about her experience. I took the time to search several sites to find one with gluten free options #havingceliacsucks and even asked my friend, Jill, to elaborate on her experience that she had mentioned prior. She raved, too, and even offered a coupon. <That should’ve been my first clue: don’t buy just because you have a coupon!> I finally found a site that offered GF options, ordered two meals, and waited. Fast forward to today. Meredith had basketball; so, I offered to cook while Coty took her to practice.
I don’t cook, y’all. Today, the universe reminded me why. Here’s my review of Home Chef’s ‘Acapulco Fajita Beef Skillet’:
Difficulty level – “easy”. Yeah, no problem; I got this. The recipe claims that “prep & cook time” totalled 25 – 35 min. Bullshit. At the 35 minute mark, I was still chopping! Two poblano peppers – washed and seeded – one diced, one sliced. Two red bell peppers – cleaned, deboned/deribbed – whatever – and sliced thin. Two yellow squash – quartered and sliced thin. Two red onions – one sliced and one diced. Two limes – juiced. And like 4,000 cherry tomatoes – *quartered*! Who quarters cherry tomatoes? Apparently, this dumbass right here. “Mix the pico and set aside”. Pico? PICO? I did all that chopping to make *pico*?! Fuck me. For those that choose to try this recipe, buy pico at the grocery and save yourself half an hour! Next up, “brown the ground beef”… Now, those that know me well, know that I don’t even buy meat at the grocery (because I refuse to touch it) so this was a challenge. I considered donning my dish-washing gloves but decided to suck it up and press on. I dig a skillet out of the cabinet and light the burner. Somehow, in my graceful attempt to transfer the package-o-raw-beef to the stove, blood went all over the counter, dripped onto the stove, and GOT ON ME! <insert audible cussing here> Cook meat. Drain. Remove. Cook veggies, add meat, add seasoning blah blah blah… long story short, it was a shit ton of work!
It took nearly 90 minutes of being on my feet to cook this crap. Like, me and my decrepit old back won’t sleep tonight and I won’t be able to walk tomorrow. I texted Coty about 30 min into this Hell and instructed him to tell the girls to “eat it or plan to die”. He must’ve heeded the warning because they all ate it and didn’t complain once; in fact, they complimented me! But, y’all…never again! If you wanna know about the second meal kit we got, you’ll need to ask Coty because I’m done with this shit. Now, where’s my vodka tonic? And, to answer your question: no, it didn’t look like the dish in the picture. Lying bitches!