In case y’all hadn’t heard, we are back at Walt Disney World. Yay. And, since I haven’t yet sorted how to blog from my phone, this post is coming to you live, via FB and will be pushed to teammuehe.com at a later date. #imnotforeveryoneyall
The crowds of people at WDW for Spring Break have made it abundantly clear that the majority of the American public has obviously not been deterred by the threat of Coronavirus. And, I say, good for them. If you are not immunosuppressed, go forth and vacation. Disney has kicked their caution levels into high gear (for the most part) and offers hand sanitizer as you exit many of the rides. [It would’ve been nice if they had done the same seven years ago when Mallory and I left here with Pertussis. For you layfolks, that’s the GD whooping cough! I’m not bitter, though. But, I’ll save that story for another post]. However, y’all – let’s remember that soap and water still equates to good (and *very* basic) hygiene. To all you asshats that have bought up all the soap and hand sanitizer, what the HELL were y’all doing before? Were you just not washing your hands or what? I guess Team Muehe consisted of a bunch of germaphobes long before it was trendy to be one.
When I was here at WDW last summer, my daily mantra was #coverthatshitup. My hashtag was in reference to the guests of WDW that insist on not covering their bodies appropriately. I get it: when it’s hot and miserable, you don’t wanna wear a lot of clothes. But, geez! If your yoga pants have never seen the inside of a yoga studio, perhaps they shouldn’t be seen outside of your home either (let’s keep it classy, y’all). This year, with Coronavirus, I will continue last summer’s mantra but direct it to those with a cough. To it, I’ll add #keepthatshittoyourself. After all, ain’t nobody got time for that! The one nice thing about the threat of Coronavirus is that cough, even if only an allergy based one, will part the crowds like Moses parting the Red Sea! If for no other reason, it’s worth a good laugh. #ffshangupandwalk
Shortly after arrival, we received a call from the front desk. Disney resorts now offer a $10 gift card per day of your stay if you agree to waive housekeeping services. Now y’all, I’m traveling with two teen-aged girls that forget how to hang up their used towels when away from home (wait, who am I kidding? They don’t hang that shit up at home, either!), have never learned how to make their own bed, and can never seem to rinse their nasty ass toothpaste spit outta the sink. Bitch, please. Keep your $60. I’m gonna need the housekeeping!
As for my darling husband, tagging me in the parks at all hours, y’all know me better than that. If there’s no photographic proof, my ass was never there. Coty and the girls did that crazy shit again where they stay up late for extra magic hours (last night was Hollywood Studios) and then woke up extra early this morning to be the first ones on Flight of Passage – the Avatar ride at Animal Kingdom. No thanks. I stayed in the room and worked (y’all do know I have a real job, right?) and then went to bed early. I was still asleep when they got back this morning. #thatshowiroll #arentweonvacationorsomething
Y’all may not know this about me but I’m easily annoyed. I don’t like crowds. Hell, I don’t like people. We got stuck in line in front of some drunk assholes that had a snorting contest this evening. Yes, you read that right. Snort Ing Con Test. WTAF? I’m not sure if they were trying to see who could snort the longest, the loudest, or who could make theirs echo the best. Either way, it was annoying AF. #yallbouttogetasoupbone This is day two, y’all; and, it ain’t looking good. I’m old and broken down. I’ve come close on many occasions of reminding these kindergarten dropouts: “single file line, bitches. Don’t crowd me”. I need a break from dumbasses before I lose my cherub like demeanor! But, alas, still four more days to go.
We shut down Magic Kingdom at 1 AM and I survived to tell the tales! An announcer came over the loud speakers to let everyone know that the park is closing. At the end, Mickey says, “see ya real soon!” – translation: “get outta here, ya fat bastards!” #ripjohnpinette
I’ll leave you tonight with a pic of my Disney-fied vodka tonic. If you have plans to come to WDW, I highly recommend that you locate all of the bars before your arrival – like print a map and highlight that shit. Trust me, you’ll need them. #thankmelater And, since I’m giving advice, choose Spring vs Summer for your trip to WDW. It is chilly tonight; we are all in jeans and hoodies (and, no, I did not pack appropriately; hence, multiple pics of me in my Vineyard Vines stripy hoodie) It’s far easier to tolerate crowds when you don’t have sweat running down your ass-crack! #yallarewelcomeforthevisual